What Makes a Retreat Transformational
Reflections on Healing, Presence, and What Really Works
I’ve been thinking a lot about what actually makes a retreat space feel safe, transformative, and real.
Every week I guide meditation sessions, workshops, and retreats, and what’s clear is that no two are ever the same. Sometimes someone has a life-changing breakthrough in two hours. Sometimes they fall asleep in the first five minutes. Sometimes it doesn’t click until later.
The truth is that deep work isn’t linear. You can feel blissful and happy in a retreat, only to later realize you have been bypassing or brushing off an emotion. Other times what might seem like a “bad” or “difficult” session can reveal profound insights shortly after.
But sometimes a person didn’t really get the instructions I shared. Or maybe they didn’t feel safe, or it’s something I missed. I obviously play a role in creating the conditions for the space to unfold, and so it’s important for me to stay curious about what makes that happen.
There’s no formula, but I’ve noticed certain ingredients keep showing up when the space really works. When people feel safe enough to open, when insight unfolds naturally, when something shifts for good. Below are some of the qualities I keep returning to, both as a teacher and as a human being.
When the Space Opens, Here’s What’s Usually Present:
Safe Enough: There is no space that is 100% safe. But can it be safe enough for you to share your feelings, express your challenges, and be courageous enough to ask questions? Setting ground rules for kindness and no-advice-giving is helpful.
Nature is the Teacher: For most of history meditation was done primarily outdoors. The Buddha was enlightened under a tree. A breeze through trees can do more than hours of effort on a cushion. Connecting with the elements calms the incessant chatter of the mind more easily than being indoors.
Digital Detox: The moment we put our phones down, something quiet begins to open. Stress unwinds, awareness expands and intuition arises spontaneously. The first day of a retreat is often full of realizations for this reason, even if just stepping away from the phone for a few hours.
Healing Happens in Relationship: The conflict/hurt we experience was formed in relationship, mostly when we were children. So it’s in relationship that we heal. It’s crucial to incorporate pair work/group work, where we can feel the presence of a compassionate witness. This accelerates our healing.
Alone & Together: Solitude takes us deep. Connection helps us hold what we find with compassion. Alternating between solo/group is a useful reflection of what life is actually like outside of the retreat setting.
Silence is Optional: I’ve been on many silent retreats and am convinced that it’s not necessary – however, some silence is nice. I bring in periods of silence that support the deep work into expanded states, but talking is important to digest and further unfold our experience.
Personalized Guidance: One person on retreat was struggling with the framing I was using for the meditation technique and felt a bit stuck; in our 1-1 session we found language that better resonated with her, and it fell into place. It’s important to have this 1-1 time together to name any challenges and tailor the practice for you.
Dropping the Need to Fix: The Western world, even therapy, approaches our inner world as a problem to be fixed. But when doing inner work, this creates more resistance. What if you took the view that there was nothing wrong with you? What if it was about deepening your experience rather than trying to get away from it? I invite people to shift this fixing-mindset and ask questions like “what is true about this moment?”
It’s All an Invitation: You are free to modify techniques as you see fit. Some will jive with you more than others. There’s no pressure to perform or be a ‘good student’ of a technique, but to make it real and effective for you. The breath isn’t right for everyone – I invite people to choose their point of focus, whether that’s feet, hands, breath, a sound, or even an external object with your eyes open.
Movement and Stillness: Ancient traditions like yoga knew the importance of breath, body and stillness. Yet nowadays we compartmentalize them – yoga one day, quiet meditation at home another day. These practices are meant to be practiced together and have compounding effects.
The Wisdom is Already Inside: I believe we all have an inherent wisdom that is driving us towards healing. The only reason something feels off is because your body knows what “right” feels like. That’s your compass. It’s ridiculous to think that I know what that is for you. So, fundamentally I trust you as you move towards your own answers.
Trauma-Sensitive: We all hold trauma. Whether that’s ‘little t’ trauma (insecurities) or ‘big T’ trauma (abuse), we are bringing this wherever we go. It can come out stronger on retreat. If not managed properly, this can make things worse. I’m sensitive to this, have training in it, and keep an eye out for signs of trauma. We can put the brakes on/modify practices where we see fit.
Integration: After retreat many people experience and afterglow; others experience an aftershock. Often it's a mix of both. How do we safely and smoothly bring our insights back home to our daily lives? I share ways to keep the momentum going and make it real so that you can carry it home.
The Real Gift of Retreat
As I write all this out, I’m sure there are pieces I’ve missed. But what’s here feels like the heart of what I’ve learned over the past few years of holding space.
What strikes me most is how different this sort of space is from our everyday lives. When do we actually get to unplug for a few days (or even hours)? How often is it that we are heard and seen for who we truly are? And when do we really approach the world through the lens of truth and beauty, instead of a goal to be achieved or a problem to be fixed?
It’s rare. But I don’t think it has to be.
The currents of our conditioning and societal expectations are strong, there’s no doubt. However, when we have a new model for how things can be, it plants a seed. And once we know that kind of space is possible, we can start to carry it into other parts of our lives.
Our experience moves from a ‘retreat’ or ‘escape’ from life, to becoming a new way of being in the world. That’s the real gift.