Most of the time, we go into conversations with an agenda. Even when we try and listen, we can't help but giving our unsolicited advice and judging others.
I’ve got into trouble doing this more times than I can count. It’s caused conflict, rifts in my relationships and even some that were never repaired.
This “change agenda,” as one of my mentors calls it, stems from our inability to accept others for who they are. It’s reinforced by messages in our society that are left-brained and hyper-rational, inviting us to fix, upgrade, and improve ourselves.
The implicit assumption is that you are not good enough — that there is something wrong that needs to be fixed. That the solution is “out there” and not in here. It rejects our natural qualities and capacities we all have for transformation.
But when you try and give someone advice, do you notice what happens? Unless they explicitly ask for it, there is usually resistance. Even if you are not giving advice but don’t really acknowledge what the person is saying, it creates a disconnect.
There is a real irony here. When we try and change others, they stay stuck. When we fully accept them for who they are, they are more likely to soften and relax. Paradoxically, they’re more likely to change.
Of course, we can’t go in with an agenda to “accept them” in order to change them — that is still a change agenda! :) It has to be genuine.
If you want to explore mindful listening, come join our next session. We will meditate together and practice listening without judgment. It starts by listening to ourselves deeply and being in contact with our minds/hearts/bodies — and as we cultivate this, it is a gift we can extend to others.
👉 Join the daytime session!
🔎 Details:
Theme: Listening Without Judgment
Time: Thursday January 16th, 2:00pm-4:00pm (Doors open at 200pm and we start at 210pm sharp!)
Location: Brighton Yoga Studio Daikanyama Google Maps
Price: Regular price: 2,000 yen. Sustaining Members: Free (get a membership here)
🧘♂️ What to expect:
Light stretching/ breathing
20 minutes of guided mindfulness meditation
Pair exercise for mindful listening 25 minutes
A short mindfulness talk
Tea and sharing at the end; this is a chance to hear from others and practice nonjudgmental listening
Meditation cushions provide
1-1 Coaching with Misha: Make 2025 Your Year of Transformation
👉 We spend a lot of time stuck in habit-patterns of daily activities that aren’t contributing to our personal growth or happiness. We are aware of this but don’t know how to get off the treadmill.
This year, make the shift you’ve been longing for. I offer 1-1 coaching to help you get unstuck, deepen your presence, and find alignment on your spiritual or healing journey. My approach blends Western and Buddhist psychology, rooted in self-compassion and self-awareness.
Ready to begin? Drop me a message and let’s chat.